[SCREENBAR – EAW HEADQUARTERS]
(The EAW flag flights high above the 1.19 acre building; the aspect of professional wrestling EAW fans rarely inquire about continues as normal, employees click away on their computers, graphic designers work tirelessly on upcoming posters. An employee with the nametag “Jason” – graphic designer – takes his leave. We pan to the executives office, an empty room, bar one man.)
???: Ey man this suit and tie business is a chore. They got me on a typewriter and shit while Bhristopher gets to fire people. Poor Jason. 😔
(TLA scratches his beard as he reads through emails. He’s visibly tired of this aspect of the job – while he no doubt enjoys his role, it comes with its pros and cons. He dons comically small reading glasses, a couple of buttons from his shirt undone just to show he’s a rebel.)
(Continuing what he’s tasked with, TLA slowly enters a focus…)
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
(TLA accidentally deletes an email.)
TLA: Cabrón!
(He groans.)
TLA: Ey, who is it man?
(The door opens – in steps an employee, a nametag pinned to his t-shirt reading “Jebediah Jones.” He has a role in finances, specifically in purchasing necessities for each show. Whether it be podiums, ring ropes, turnbuckles – what you would usually find on a wrestling show – or weapons for deathmatches, often purchased in bulk, before being sent off to health and safety to make sure it does NOT violate health and safety laws. Oftentimes, that is done by finding loopholes.)
Jebediah Jones: Um, sir? I have a problem– well, not a problem, just an inquiry.
TLA: Ey, we got a problem ese? Square up!
Jebediah Jones: Not that kind of problem, man.
TLA: o
Jebediah Jones: I was recently in contact with our supplier for the 100 Cattle Prods match –
TLA: Ah yes, the finest of matches. Eris, Saori and Ashlynn better use all 100 of them shits or imma be mad.
Jebediah Jones: … About that.
(TLA lowers his reading glasses…)
TLA: They didn’t use all 100 of them shits? Cattle are starving and these mfs wasting prods???
Jebediah Jones:…? No man, they don’t stock any amount that totals up to 100. We either have to purchase a lesser or greater amount.
(TLA lowers his reading glasses even more.)
TLA: So no prods?
Jebediah Jones: I mean we can still have the match. We’d just have to either rename it to 87 Cattle Prods–
TLA: 87??? Mannnnn that better not be some new bullshit Tiki Taka trend.
Jebediah Jones: – or… we just purchase 110 Cattle Prods and leave the rest around for spare.
(TLA lowers his reading glasses to the end of his nose.)
TLA: Jeremy…
Jebediah Jones: It’s Jebediah–
TLA: ¿Crees que somos ricos? We’re not made of money, amigo!!!!
(TLA raises his glasses just so he can lower them again.)
Jebediah Jones: I… I think we can afford 10 more Cattle Prods sir–
(TLA takes his glasses off. He then places them back on his head so he can take them off again and throw them across the room.)
TLA: NO!
Jebediah Jones: *gulp*
TLA: Mane, we got a budget, lo entiendes? Them 10 cattle prods gonna be sat in that dusty ass warehouse next to old stages and Woogieman. :wow:
Jebediah Jones: Woogieman is in a warehou–
TLA: Budget cuts hombre, but he makes a mean ass paella so we keep him around. :lick:
Jebediah Jones: I–
TLA: No buts no nuts no coconuts. You gonna get us 100 cattle prods and no more. Actually maybe include the coconuts, Bhrissy might get thirsty. We need 100 of them jawns.
(The two would stand in silence. Awkward silence? Tense silence? Romantic silence?)
Jebediah Jones: I… I’ll see what I can do sir.
TLA: Go talk to Bhristopher about this man I got some emails to respond to, some estúpido idiota downloaded malware on this shit.
(The laptop reads “belonging to TLA” on the back.)
Jebediah Jones: I understand, sir.
(The employee hurriedly leaves the executive’s office, scurrying around to Chris Elite. With a frog in his throat, he’s visually worried, almost pale from the crashout TLA had moments prior. It wouldn’t be long before the shine of Chris Elite’s head entered his frame of view, a glimmer of delight seen in his eyes. He hurries over, patting Chris Elite on the back.)
Chris Elite: Fuck you say to me????
Jebediah Jones: I… literally didn’t say anything?
Chris Elite: Whatever that means son, fuck you want?
Jebediah Jones: TLA sent me, sir… we have an issue.
Chris Elite: We got a problem, gang? Square up!
Jebediah Jones: NOT THAT KIND OF PROBLEM MAN. We have a financial problem! Our supplier for the Cattle Prods doesn’t have enough in stock to sell us only 100, as it would leave a disproportionate amount of their product on the shelves. They just can’t sell us 100 Cattle Prods in stock!
Chris Elite:… okay man?
Jebediah Jones: Either the alternative is to buy 87 Cattle Prods and rename the match – which would waste the time of our graphic designers and of course yourself and TLA for having to make the announcement…
Chris Elite: :skip:
Jebediah Jones: Or, we buy 110, leave them with nothing, but pay extra for the 10 Cattle Prods!
Chris Elite: Man fuck kinda dilemma is this, I can’t tell who’s more unprofessional. Them for their stupid amount of cattle prods, or you for thinking this is a problem.
Jebediah Jones: TLA told me to take it up with you because, and I quote, “we’re not made of money, we have a budget, Woogieman is in a warehouse.”
Chris Elite: …Woogieman is where? :dahell: Also TLA has a problem with this?
Jebediah Jones: Yes.
Chris Elite: And he thinks we don’t have the budget for Cattle Prods?
Jebediah Jones: Yes.
Chris Elite: Man how much are these Cattle Prods?
Jebediah Jones: Almost $100 per Cattle Prod–
Chris Elite: GO TO HELL MAN WE’RE NOT PAYING THAT SHIT.
(Jebediah Jones stands confused…)
Jebediah Jones: …Should we buy 87 Cattle Prods?
Chris Elite: NO. EITHER YOU’RE PAYING OR YOU’RE MAKING THEM YOURSELF.
Jebediah Jones: I… literally can’t afford that. Or make them????
Chris Elite: THAT AIN’T MY PROBLEM TWIN YOU’RE FIRED DAMN.
Jebediah Jones: …
Chris Elite: FOH
(Jebediah’s head sinks…)
Jebediah Jones: Alright…
(His nametag is removed…)
Jebediah Jones: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F1HIkdJWwAInjHt.jpg
(He walks off… tail tucked between his legs…)
(Moments later, we return to TLA’s office…)
TLA: O shit I forgot we already purchased them shits last night when we got back from the club. :mjlol:
(Fight Grid logo buzzes.)
